Goodbye North Carolina A&T, I’m Comin’ Home Again

So, it has officially been 4 days since I got back to Chicago and I still find myself questioning my permanent move back.  In a little under 7 months, I’ll be moving back to Chicago,  well the Chicago land area.   In an effort to get away from the inner city violence and so that my love  can adapt, I have been unsuccessfully looking into apartments in the Northern suburbs.   I guess I underestimated how pricey a two bedroom apartment would be.

North Carolina A&T has definitely served me well, but it’s finally time to branch out.  I think sometimes I am over ambitious with my life plan, in my head I have made a list of goas that I hope to  accomplish within the next 1-2 years.

These goals are as follows:

1. Maintain and graduate with a 4.0 in December with my master’s degree in Computer Science: This should not be hard since I only have 2 classes left that are fairly easy.

2. Go against all of my internship experience: Find a satisfying and well paying job in Chicago before January.

3. Move back to Chicago: This is by far my most challenging feet since I have to move myself and my little family back with me.  Although I am excited for the move,  a December drive thru the snowy mountains with 2 cars packed with our possessions and a potentially harsh winter in the Midwest are certainly not ideal.  Therfore,  timing with be everything.

4. Maintaining My Accessorie Line: Although a new endeavor,  Naturally Lavish Accessories is my baby and I hope to expand and make it a well known endeavor in the coming months.

5. Getting my Real Estate Licence: For the last 20 years my parents have been known as the “Dynamic Duo”, a team of Realtors and I have been there under paid secretary.  Now, 20 years later,  my parents are opening a real estate office of their own and aside from me performing the technical duties, what better way to honor the family business than by putting me on the payroll.  This leads me to my next endeavor,  Flipping Houses! !

6. Become an Investor: This  is potentially the hardest and biggest long term goal I have. I have always wanted to flip houses and condos in budding areas of Chicago and with foreclosures being at an all time high,  this is the perfect time.  This can also help me find my more permanent home in the future.

7. Plan a wedding!!: This is not the last goal on my list for no reason,  however,  it is the most exciting. Marrying my best friend would be the most rewarding experience of my life and even though I take this goal out of my 2 year window, I know it will be pretty damn amazing!!

8. Meeting like minded individuals with ambition and who are goal oriented in the Midwest:  How I am going to do this,  I have no clue.
In no way am I compromising on this list.  I sometimes feel that I am overly ambitious but that’s the perfect way to be. Any advice or suggestions please comment below.

-Smiley

BlackLove

Loving To Much?

I never thought that I would say this,but… “a break up is not the greatest pain you will feel in a relationship”.  The greatest pain is loving someone so much that when they hurt, you hurt and knowing that you can’t take that pain away will nearly kill you.

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic.  Flowers, weddings and Valentines Days were the things that held a soft spot in my heart.  For years I wrote stories of love, only briefly grasping it in my dreams… that is, until the day I met HIM.  I never thought that I would meet someone who I felt completed me, until now.  I savor every waking moment that I spend with this man and when I fall asleep I pray I awake in his arms.

Like many, I have felt heartbreak far to often.  The feeling of rejection when he doesn’t call, the self-doubt when he doesn’t complement and the feelings of rage when he shows he doesn’t care are no stranger in my life.  It hurts like hell to love someone who doesn’t even think of you as a friend, stupidity at its finest.

I didn’t think the pain of love could get any deeper until I felt the hurt in my love’s voice.

“The look that’s in your eyes
Gets me my courage
My strength I draw from you
You know I do, babe
The depth inside your soul
Fills my well of fantasies
I fill my cup with you”

- Anita Baker : Love You to the Letter

These words say it all, but there I was…defenseless.  I was hurt that in that moment I couldn’t give him back everything he had given me.  I am still searching for a way to “make it better” and I’ll never stop…

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UPDATE:Life, Love and the Pursuit of Self Worth!

Hey Everybody!

Make sure you check out my new blog, AL Denay, AND the 60 Day Challenge page on my blog inspired by my latest read.  Network with me via GroupMe in hopes of gaining an amazing support system for your challenge be it mental, physical or emotional!!

Be LAVISH

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Reflections In Print

Today I started and finished reading Lala’s book, “The Love Playbook”. It was actually a pretty accurate and good read. I was shocked that I actually liked it . Ironically, It reinforced a lot of things that I had been thinking about, i.e my life, my love life and my self worth. It also helped me better related and reminded me how much I need an older female companion to talk to who doesn’t “know” my story. For me, I have personally been going through a lot in my own mind and the book really helped me take things full circle no matter how cheesy or cliché some people think it is

In a lot of ways I feel like I can relate to LaLa and the things that she has experienced. I feel that for too long I found my happiness through someone who could careless if I lived or died. (maybe that’s over reacting but it’s how I felt.) I based my happiness on him because although in many people’s eyes I was succeeding, I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t popular but I knew people and dating was never my strong point. He was comfortable for me.

Chapter 9 really resonated with me. It really symboliezed what life is like. “There is no warm up period, no couple of days to get used to the idea.” This is true for more things than just exercising. Some things you have to learn to accept rather you like it or not and just work to change your situation.

 

The Sixty Day Relationship Challenge

Recently, my relationship has been bumpy, simply because it’s new love. I know that a lot of these problems result from my own ideas an over reactions and that’s something I need to work on.   In the book she changed something for sixty days that would better her relationship. For the next 60 days I want to give up the following things in my relationship:

 

  1. Nagging/complaining – this will be a hard one.
  2. Checking his phone – I like what Lala said in the book about this.       She stated that she simply didn’t “run Melo’s phone”. Her reason was as follows: ” If I have to do that, then we don’t have much of a relationship. My doing that would also say a lot about me. I cannot control a thing he does. But by being fulfilled in myself and in my own space, I can control what I do So if he does mess up like that, I may be hurt, but my world wont end.” This quote is everything to me and then some.       I know I have some insecurities within my self that are keeping me from completely trusting but I have to work on that.

I am going to set a list of goals to go along with my challenge and blog about it as time goes on. I know it will be hard but hey, maybe I’ll learn some things about myself in the process.

One thing that I took personally and holds some value is the quote - ” Sometimes you can find yourself way ahead of your partner or mate and you just want to run ahead and not look back. But this is a PARTNERSHIP”.

Rules in love to live by:

  1. Know what you’re playing for.
  2. Distinguish yourself from the pack. Be Different.
  3. Don’t be afraid to mess up or go outside of your comfort zone.
  4. Have your own… Career. Money. Life
  5. Pay Attention: He may be there all along.

My Blog Life Recap

I don’t know what it is about being at my sister’s house that makes me want to write so much. However, as I read through my blog, I found that I only write when things are going less than perfect.   My boyfriend also managed to point this out.  So therefore, this will change.  Things have been going rather well,  which I haven’t mentioned.   So in honor of my happiness, here’s a couple of photos as to why:

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I maintained my 4.0!!


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Jewelry from my Accessorie Line and I'm Starting to Enjoy my Natural Hair

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This little man is beyond AMAZING!

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New York

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My big man is pretty dope too!!

How to Meet Like Minded, Well Rounded Friends….

What’s life after college really like?

Here I am, 2:15 am, laying across my older sister’s couch watching the food network wondering where I see myself in the next 6 months. Aside from my upcoming schedule of internship work, school work and the work on my budding business, I never have time to lay back and just think…

Times like these I want to pick up the phone and dial someone who can listen and relate. However, that person does not exist. As a 20 something adult on the verge of the real world, it’s nice to know that I’m not alone… but I feel like I am.

I have nothing against the friends that I currently have but everyone is on an extremely different path. Here lies my question, how do I meet like minded individuals outside of the college realm? Females who are not trying to compete but instead empower each other. This has turned into the age old question of my life.

Naturally Lavish Accessories

For all of your acessory needs, support my start up -Naturally Lavish Acessories.
Visit the site and place an order if you like what you see…Reasonable Prices and GREAT Service!!!

NaturallyLavish.tictail.com

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http://naturallylavish.tictail.com

Back to Normality

Here I am, sitting in a class where I honestly don’t remember a thing. This is what my life has become , a constant battle to get riches . You would think I knew better than to get a master’s in an area that I am losing interest in, but free money speaks volumes to me. Ultimately, I am losing my spark, school no longer interests me, my work is busy and I am unhappy. I guess this is the price you pay to make a comfortable life.
I should be paying attention but my mind continuously wonders to all of the “what ifs” in my life and all of the tasks I still have left to complete for the week. Luckily, I have landed a well paying internship for the summer but I still have so much left to worry about.

Lately, my move back to Chicago has been weighing heavy on my mind. I’m afraid for how my boyfriend will adapt. Coming from a small town and the fact that he has a terrible temper gives me some anxiety about this move . Nonetheless it’s time to start planning for the future. Although graduation is in Dec. I would rather be safe than sorry.
———
Fast forward to my next class,

Just got test back that I bombed! !! Oh  joy…. school is kicking my butt – work is kicking my butt , along with my other 2 jobs. ..Life is really beginning to take a toll on my sanity.  My 4.0 repeat seems out of reach.

I am in need of a sanity buddy- which doesn’t exist, I know but would be nice.   We won’t even begin to talk about my non existent social life, the fact that I haven’t seen my family in forever and my over energetic puppy.

I really need a drink. . Too much on my mind and not enough time to process.